A Lie about Comfort

Do you know what one of the top reasons is that people don’t make the changes they really want to make? It’s the “need” to be comfortable. I’m not talking about Barcaloungers or Tempur-pedic mattresses. I’m talking about pushing the boundaries of our own comfort zone. I’m not talking about appreciating being comfortable, or enjoying being comfortable, but about the “need” to be comfortable. It’s a lie. Most everyone knows that true growth happens along the edges of our experience, along the periphery where the challenges live, the place where things are not yet comfortable. Imagine for a minute how much growth a person is likely experiencing when they’re sitting in the living room watching TV, numbing out the stresses of the life they feel stuck in. Or how much growth a person is likely experiencing when they’re standing in front of the fridge, thinking “I probably shouldn’t have...

Who Owes You?

Take a minute a think about who owes you something. You may say, “I don’t owe anyone anything. And nobody owes me anything either,” but for most of us, its simply not true. In our jobs, in our families, in our friendships, even with ourselves, we make contracts. These contracts detail what is owed and to whom. Of course most of the time these contracts aren’t written down, but they are absolutely in effect. Think about the last time you got upset or frustrated or hurt (these emotions often indicate a broken contract). Play along just for a minute. Wait to continue reading until you have an episode in mind. Now think about what contract was violated. You may resist this initial thought, you may think, there was no contract, that nothing was violated, but push past it. If you dig into that situation or scenario, you may just be able to find a broken contract....

The Dog Teacher

We have a dog staying with us for a few days while some friends of ours are out of town. Our own dog passed last December, and it’s nice to “have” a dog again. This dog’s name is Brody, and he’s teaching me quite a bit (reminding me and modeling for me are probably two better ways of putting it). Here’s what he does: He eats when he’s hungry, he drinks when he’s thirsty, he sleeps when he’s tired, and goes outside when he wants to be outside. When he wants to play, he goes and gets his toy. When he wants to look around, he gets up and explores. When he wants to rest in comfort, he climbs up on the couch and lays his head on the puffy armrest. When he wants to be with you, he comes over and lays down near you. If he wants attention, he stands or sits, and stares at you until you look at him. Then he wags his tail and you get to pat...

A Single, Solitary Thought

When people come to me seeking change, one thing that they don’t always count on is that they must also change their thinking. Changes begin in the mind as a different thought, and end up out in the world as a different behavior. What needs changing and how, is part of the discovery process in our hypnotherapy sessions, but the simple act of challenging a thought can be surprising to the client. Take one recent client, a wife and mother of 3, also employed outside the home. She had been feeling overloaded with responsibilities for a while, but things were now different. Overwhelm had reared its ugly head. When she reached overwhelm, things really starting falling through the cracks: she was missing appointments, forgetting to pay some bills, burning meals due to distraction, and the general cleanliness and upkeep of the home was suffering. But that wasn’t the worst part....

On Quitting

As I write this post, I have been knee-deep in a technical issue on the website for some cumulative 25 hours or so.  For a number of reasons I have decided to make the entire website use security like banks do. It’s called SSL and you can tell when you’re connected securely, because the web address at the top of the page will start with https:// instead of http://. That little extra “s” means secure.  You also usually see a little padlock or some other icon denoting security. About every 4 or 5 hours, I seemed to run into a complete brick wall – fully stopping my progress. There was gnashing of teeth and frustration until I focused that energy into discovering solutions:  ways around the block (or under / over / through it…). At some point usually in the transition between teeth gnashing and the resumption of forward progress, I ended up having to...